The Cat I Left Behind-Part 2
Find Part 1 of this story here. My poor old cat is much worse and he is heading towards kidney failure, a very common problem in old cats. These days I feel quite hysterical as I can't stop crying and trying to absolve myself of guilt that won't go away.
I've asked Cyndi, Laurie, Laura, Dagne, Demetrio, almost everyone I could for advice. My poor husband has had to deal with the brunt of my pain and hurt. Sadly I have been taking it out on him. I just can't seem to feel better about this. It looks like Bak-Gai will have to be put to sleep before his quality of life deteriorates even further. This feels like one of the worst things I have ever done in my life.
Mood(s): Sad, Desperate, Angry, Resentful, Anguished.
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posted by Gia-Gina @ 2:43:00 AM
11 Comments:
No one said that was easy, but did they ever mention that it was this hard?!
I can't imagine what you are going through (you know how I feel about my cats).
Keeping you and Bak-Gai in my thoughts and prayers. Call if you need to talk or even just vent.
Cyn
I'm so sorry! My family's cat (of 19 years) had to be put to sleep last year and it was the saddest thing ever. We ended up waiting longer than the vet on Vashon suggested because he still seemed happy. It became obvious when the time was right, and my parents were lucky -- Vashon, hippie haven that it is, has a woman who came to the house and did a lovely ceremony and was incredibly humane. She works on the mainland, too -- I can get her info if you'd like.
Thinking of you!
That is a very tough decision to make. My sympathies to you. I'm sure you will make/have made the right choice though.
Gia - Oh...I am so sorry to hear the sad news. It is always so difficult to make a decision to euthanize an animal that has been a loyal member of your family for so long. I have had to do it twice before and I know how much it can tear you up. Know that whatever decision that you make, you will do it out of love and respect for the bond that you forged with your pet.
I used to work as a Veterinary Assistant and had to stay with animals during their last breaths and comfort the owners during such hard decision making, I always shared "A Pet's Prayer" with them...it is a mantra of many in the Veterinary Profession:
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep
Then you must do what must be done
For this the last battle can't be won.
You will be sad - I understand
Don't let your grief then stay your hand
For this day more than the rest
Your love and friendship stand the test.
We've had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fear.
You'd not want me to suffer, so
When the time comes, please let me go.
Take me where my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me to the end
Hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you'll see
It is a kindness you do for me
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.
We've been so close, we two these years
Don't let your heart then hold many tears
Smile for we walked together for a while.
Oh no, GG, I'm so sorry for you. And I know nothing I will write will make it any better. I am with you. I've fortunately never had to experience human death in my family, but I can't imagine it after going through 3 pets' deaths....and the saddest thing I find is they have no idea what's happening to them or why they're in so much pain. That's what I find it so horrifying...the only thing I can say is you've clearly shared some amazing years with your beloved cat and you'll just have to remember the great times and great years he gave you when he was alive and healthy. You don't want to witness the deterioration of his quality of life so letting him go will be the best thing for him, even if it's the hardest thing for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Bak-Gai!
Ouch.
Don't beat yourself up with guilt though. This would have happened had you been there or not. He's in good hands.
Thanks everyone for your support, I will speak to his vet and make a decision this w-e. The guilt just kills me. The per's prayer sent another giant flood of tears at the computer. I appreciate all the kind words and will update soon.
Well, I hope you are okay Gia. Just remember it lived a long life. Thats what really matters. It was loved and cared for. My in-laws lost their pet cat Tiger and were devestated. The fond memories keep them sane, and they now own a new cat named patches. I'll try and get some pictures of him. He's adorable.
Dont take it out on your husband! My wife always does this to me. Makes me feel bad!!!
Sorry to read about your cat.
Paz
We had this happen last year too. Same problem too.
Pets bring us all the emotions don't they. But the happy times were many more than the sad.
==Alaska
I'm so sorry to read about Bak Gai. I think you need to have a long discussion with your sister to find out if the cat is suffering. It doesn't sound from your description that he's very happy and if that's the case. You have a hard decision to make.
If he is suffering, he needs to go to sleep. He'll thank you for it. Believe me, I've been there.
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