Am I Lucky or Lazy?
I had an easy day today, like most says, since I’ve moved to Torino. The only two errands I had on my plate were: 1) run over to the self-service video store and find out why our video card was not working (turned out it somehow got de-magnetized) and 2) pick up a roll of film from the photo processing store. Both tasks were within walking distance and as I strolled home, mind you it’s 95 F outside, I began to think about my life and my daily routines.
Anyone that knows me well knows I am a people pleaser and a very anxious one at that. When I was living in Seattle and working full time, I struggled to balance work, family, friends, boyfriend, personal time, pets, garden and so much more. I think many people in today’s modern societies struggle with much of the same quandaries. Here in Torino, there is no garden, no family, not many friends, no work and so I have much more time for other pursuits. There’s time to practice new recipes, handwrite letters (I gather this is a rare thing nowadays, from all the positive feedback I’ve been receiving), write meaningful e-mails, read online news, blog, make beaded jewelry, clean the house, take walks, take photos, read, read, read and sleep.
I count my blessings most days and feel I am lucky to have so much free time but I have a hard time enjoying myself when I think about Deme at work. He is usually up at 7 or 8 a.m. and works until 6, 7 or 8 p.m.; rarely do we have dinner before 9 p.m. When I find an interesting museum, photography exhibit, shop, café or park, I think about my poor husband at work and have a hard time enjoying myself. Living with guilt is terribly draining. One way I alleviate the guilt is to work at home as many hours as I can, so when he gets home he can relax; is this the Asian woman coming out in me? When we were dating he used to shop on his own and have dinner ready when I came home, now the roles are completely reversed. He has not lifted a finger in the kitchen in over 5 months. I can’t say that I blame him, he's exhausted at the end of the day. I do miss his panna cotta and crème brulee though.
When I’m idle and stay home all day only leaving the house to take out the garbage, I feel lazy. The epitome of laziness is that I taught the dog to do his business on one of our balconies so I don’t have to take him out first thing in the morning. (That’s pretty bad isn’t it?) I lie around, read, eat salad and fruit (no heat involved) and wonder what I’m doing in Italy. I wonder if I’m ever going to have a fulfilling job ever again, whether I can market my photographs (we have yet to set up the darkroom), whether I should write a book or just run away back to Seattle or Guam.
*Please comment and share your thoughts*
5 Comments:
Oh come back for a little bit...at least until it cools off again...er not that it's THAT much cooler here...actually right now we are experiencing a monsoon depression....but that's beside the point. If hubby's gotta work, come on HOME (cause you know this is REALLY home) and get reacquainted (and food supplies).
I understand you, really. I have the same feelings when I'm back in Germany and I can't help thinking that if I would be in Rome I would have a job and my friends and family around. The choice we made is amazing. The worst, the biggest, it's a sacrifice. But it's worth it.
Perhaps you should go home a little, heal some homesickness and then come back to Italy.
Good luck ; )
Ale
What kind of job did you have back in Seattle?
Gia!
We're back (since Wednesday night) and once again I can totally relate with what you're experiencing. Absolutely, 100%, oh-man-I've-been-there-too!
Right now I am trying to get back into the swing of things and just had to pop by here for a visit. After things settle, will you be able to come by for a visit? My calender is looking horrendously like Martha Stewart's and I'm not bragging. Would really just love to chill.
Check back with ya after the w/e.
I know that I get tired of stayin home during my summerbreak, but the minute I go back to work, I want to have my vacation back! haha. I guess its just a choice you have to make.
Gia,
Of course I want to come back for a while at least for a visit, there's the dog to worry about, our apartment, our car, and now that I am married, I have to think of my darling husband. Running away back to my parents does not sound like a very grown up and mature thing to do. Although 80% of the time I don't feel very grown up and mature.
Ale,
I am glad you know how I feel and can symaphize with me. I forogt to say "good job" on the fried rice. Guam is 16-17 hours from Milan to Tokyo and another 3-4 from Tokyo. That's a lot of time and money for 1-2 weeks so I have to plan longer term I think.
Rowena,
Glad you're back, I missed you and your blog. I will visit ASAP, right after my aunt visits for 3 days from the 26th to 29th I think. I'll give you a call soon, can you pass me your number again via e-mail, I misplaced a whole notepad's worth of stuff last week.
Trench,
I know about making the choice, it's just sometimes your choices are hard to swallow.
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